The words I cannot write today
With *waves hands vaguely at everything* I can’t seem to do what I love at the moment.
I was supposed to write an election-related post today. It was a cool idea I was excited to write. But when I sat down this morning to write it, the words just wouldn’t come forth.
This is not the first time lately that this has happened to me. For a professional writer like me, it’s very concerning, to say the least.
The truth is I’m a mess. The state of my apartment is disgusting, with dishes piling up in the sink, takeout bags next to my couch and a box for some shelves I put together weeks ago still laying on my living room floor.
When I woke up this morning I hadn’t showered in a week and honestly… anyone who smelled me could probably tell.
But that’s the thing, I haven’t been close enough to anyone I know to catch my aroma since March, so what is the point in even making an attempt?
The combination of the impending election, my current unemployed/freelancer status, and a lack of health insurance — stacked on top of a global pandemic that’s kept me locked up in my apartment for the last eight months — has officially beaten me.
I don’t cook, I don’t clean, I can’t write, I don’t socialize, I even stopped going to (virtual) therapy. It’s a personal disaster.
The other day I tweeted, “I can’t live like this anymore,” which resulted in a wave of alarmed DMs and texts from people who mostly only know me through the internet and I can’t see in person anyway (thanks ‘rona). They’re right to be concerned. So far this year, about a dozen Twitter followers (and some mutuals) have taken their own lives. Checking on your friends, even if you only know them through the internet, is a good thing.
To be clear, I think I’ll be fine… eventually.
But right now, in this moment, the words aren’t coming. I apologize for that.
I’m not sure I have a point to any of this other to say that if you’re going through something similar, it will all be okay.
I will eventually get you all that election post, but it won’t be today.
Be safe, it’ll all be over soon.
